Larissa Explains it All

(That pun was awesome!)

On a more serious note, Larissa called me today.  She was confused and angry.

Let’s start from the beginning….

This morning, I woke up and was thinking about a conversation I had with Dezi a couple of months ago (St. Patty’s to be exact) while I was headed up to the alma mater by bus.  The basic gist of it was he said something to the effect of “But you’re quite a catch and anyone would be lucky to have you.”  And I said “That’s a lie, because I’m the furthest one from being married, so hardly a catch at all, obviously.”  So I texted him about that and I was basically like “Remember that?  Recent events proved me right.  I win.”

Well apparently he texted Larissa  about this, so she called me.  Not because we hadn’t hung out in a while, but because I had hung out with her friends without her.

As you all know, I saw Dezi maybe twice because I was going on dates with Derek.  Derek said he hadn’t seen Larissa in like a year or something, yet she said “You didn’t even invite me to hang out with you and Dezi and Derek.  They are my really good friends!”  Really?  I asked Dezi about it later and he said that they didn’t really hang out, no  And also that he really hadn’t seen her since her birthday anyway.  And I was like, see I thought so.  Also, I did invite her bowling and skiing, so she is just making things up at this point.  Also, why would I invite her on dates?  Just saying…

She also complained about the bachelorette party.  Apparently she didn’t like how people wanted to “enjoy the benefits of the  whole event on everyone else’s dime.  Luckily, Hailey is okay with it just being at my house.”  First of all, everyone told her that they couldn’t afford only the limo, so that’s the part she should have rethought.  Secondly, Hailey admittedly told me that she was much happier that Larissa’s plan had changed.  You can’t have a bachelorette party that the bride-to-be doesn’t like, you know?

Her last complaint was that she wasn’t invited to Addy’s wedding.  I reminded her it was mostly a family wedding anyway.  And then she said “It hurts to not be invited after seventeen years of friendship.”

“Do you and Addy even hang out without Hailey and I?”

“Well, Amanda doesn’t really hang out with Hailey and she still got invited to her wedding.”

“That’s not what I asked you.”

“We go to lunch all the time.”  (Contrast this with Addy’s claim that she rarely, if ever, sees Larissa unless Hailey or I are there as well.)

“Sometimes a wedding isn’t about you.  It’s pretty much family going.”

“Who’s more important, your mom’s second cousin or your friend for seventeen years?”

“The ceremony’s not really about you, it’s about your family, that’s why you go to court with a witness for a license.  The ceremony’s for everyone else.  So the second cousin is probably more important to everyone else, Larissa.”

She didn’t like that and promptly decided that she needed to call Jason.

If you noticed a common trend here, it’s all about Larissa….

(On a blogging note, I didn’t really have anything to say until she called me today, so yay?)

A Kitchenware Bouquet, or If You Give Your Yak a Yurt

So the bridal shower was a lot of fun.  Addy is an excellent shower hostess.  We played a lot of fun games and Addy taught everyone a painting technique that is pretty cool (although I just can’t paint).

I also gave Hailey the most useful bouquet she will ever receive–a kitchenware bouquet.  It had a slotted spoon, a spatula, a coffee measure, an egg separator, tongs,  two mini spatulas, and a whisk all wrapped in tissue paper and ribbons to look like flowers and then I put them all into a fun vase.  I thought it was an adorable gift.  And everyone praised my creativity.

Only the maid of honor, Addy, knew of my Crate and Barrel dilemma and that I had only wrapped the gift ten minutes before the shower.  It still went well.

Larissa took photos and once I see them, I will show you all my kitchenware bouquet.

After the shower, Addy, Hailey, Steph, our friend Rachel, and I went out to dinner at noodles.  We started talking about Rachel’s sister going to Mongolia.

“I know nothing about Mongolia,” Rachel admitted, “So I looked it up.  They live in yurts…  And they have yaks!”

“That makes a great kid’s book,” I mused, “It’s like ‘If You Give Your Mouse a Cookie’…  But it’s ‘If You Give a Yak a Yurt’.”

This sent everyone into a fit of giggles.  We also talked about how the mouse was demanding.

The Yak also received several sequels to his first book, the best ones included:

“If You Give a Yak a Yo-Yo”

“If You Give a Yak a Yetti” (everyone’s clear favorite)

“If You Give Your Yurt a Yak”

And “If  Yoda You Give a Yak, Yes…”

Addy decided she was going to design some of them and possibly sell them as prints or shirts.  If this happens, I will let you all know, because obviously you clearly want one.

Why I Hate and Love Crate and Barrel

So I’m heading to Hailey’s wedding shower in a bit here, but I wanted to tell you all about why I hate and love Crate and Barrel.

As you know, I’ve started working my three jobs now and so I’ve had a very busy week and I wasn’t quite sure what I wanted to get Hailey for her shower.  About a month ago, I picked up a set of towels and a spatula from work and was trying to decide between them.  Yesterday, I was at work and was talking to a woman with a gift registry.

Most of the things we had on that registry were linens and towels and she was puzzling through why she didn’t want to get towels for a wedding shower.  Finally she came to the conclusion that “Towels are probably the thing that brides and grooms need most, but no one oohs and aahs over towels.”  That’s when it hit me.  That’s the same reason I couldn’t decide between my towels and my spatula.  I wanted it to be something more presentably enjoyable.

So I decided to go with my spatula and head to another of Hailey’s registries, Crate and Barrel.

I love Crate and Barrel’s gadgets and things.  I guess their pricing is on par with my stores’ but I do feel it’s a bit more expensive.

Anyway, as it turns out, Crate and Barrel closes at seven on Saturdays.  Why?  Why do they close at seven?

I called Addy up and hurriedly asked her to remind me of Hailey’s registry number so I could look it up online and figure out what I wanted to get to streamline the process once I was there.  We also talked about how cheesy the wrapping paper was at Hallmark, because some of the wedding paper is really very very cheesy.

Anyway, I’m heading to the store soon to pick up my gift and then straight to the shower.  I’ll tell you all about the shower tomorrow.

Commentary by Deidree and Steph (part three)

Steph sent me an email a little while ago, and I thought you all might enjoy it.  Steph is in red and I am in blue.

A List of Wedding Day Dos and Don’ts, continued (discovered by Steph and relevant because of the number of our friends getting married)

51. If you have an outdoor ceremony be sure to have a backup in case of bad weather

Or just have a tent or something anyway.

52. Don’t stress out over little things

53. Be sure your Maid of honor knows how to bustle your dress

54. Assign someone to attend to your gifts after the reception

55. Be sure the best man has an appropriate toast that includes something about the bride

Ewwww, toast….
“Hey man, I’d do her.  You beat me to it.”  Fin.

56. Make all payments in a timely manner

57. Wear waterproof mascara

Even waterproof mascara isn’t fully waterproof.

58. Get a good nights sleep the night before your wedding

Yeah right.
The day before?  Maybe that would be a better bridal party/mother/MIL activity:  group nap time.

59. Do not let friends or family talk you in to things you don’t want for your wedding

60. Be sure to eat on your wedding day, it’s easy to forget or be too excited but you don’t want to get run down

Don’t have to remind me twice.

61. Consider buying the grooms tux instead of renting, he will have it for a lifetime

To wear to what?!? I doubt he wants to like, display it forever or anything.

I think it depends on how many other things you do that he might need a tux for.  Like if you do a lot of charity receptions and things, I think this makes sense.

62. Don’t leave your guests too long between the ceremony and reception

63. Give each other a wedding gift on your wedding night

Seriously? I think you’ll either be A) too tired to care or B) too “busy” to care

Wedding gift:  I’m naked, are you naked?  Done.

64. Don’t drink too much at your wedding, you want to remember every last moment

Or rather, you don’t want to embarrass yourself in front of your entire family

Or throw up on the groom in front of your new in-laws.

65. Take time to visit with as many guests as possible

66. Be sure to ask about decorating restrictions at your reception facility

67. Be creative and personalize your wedding

Personalize your wedding?  What hokey advice is this?

68. Have your hair done ahead of time with your head piece

69. Do not get haircuts closer than 1 month before your wedding

70. Make appointments with vendors so you are not disappointed if they are unavailable

71. Think about how the wedding colors you select will look at the reception site

72. Do not have drastically different hair and makeup from your everyday look

73. Take time to look around and enjoy everything you have been planning for so long

74. Be sure your photographer knows which guests you really want photos of

75. ENJOY YOURSELF AND HAVE A WONDERFUL TIME!

Commentary by Deidree and Steph (part two)

Steph sent me an email a little while ago, and I thought you all might enjoy it.  Steph is in red and I am in blue.

A List of Wedding Day Dos and Don’ts, continued (discovered by Steph and relevant because of the number of our friends getting married)

26. Register for gifts well in advance of your wedding date

I like the day before for registry myself…

27. Select dresses for your attendants that flatter them all

Very few people follow this rule.

28. Assign someone to collect and return all rented items from your wedding day

29. Preserve your gown…your own daughter or another family member may be able to use it one day

I feel like you should only do this if that’s something you feel strongly about.  I don’t think it’s an obligation

Or if it’s not a dated style…

30. Look at your guests when walking down the aisle with a big smile, you don’t want to miss your own wedding

31. Don’t forget to offer a “vegetarian” option

32. Don’t seat divorced parents at the same table

I think it depends on how well they get along, and how big of a table it is.

Or if they happen to be the parents of the bride and/or groom.

33. Consider hosting a brunch to open gifts with family the day after

Because you really need another occasion to have you as the center of attention?  Seriously? I guess if you want to do something like a bbq you can, but I kinda feel like you might just need a break right after your wedding.

I love brunch, but the only thing I plan on doing the next day is spending time with hubby….  Everyone else can leave me alone for a day or twelve.

34. Take an engagement photo to display near your guest book

I would just use any photo of the two of you.  What’s so special about your engagement photo?  Not much…

You paid extra money to have them taken?  I personally think photos of the bride vomiting on the groom might best showcase their relationship, hahaha….

35. Select favors that reflect your personalities or interests

Again, I really don’t think people need more crap.  Maybe just send a photo with their thank you cards and make a donation to charity in their name.  Or, have your photographer take family portraits at the reception and send them one of those.

Or bags of chocolate.

36. Have scotch tape available at the gift table

So people can wrap presents there?  I don’t understand this one.

37. Make sure you are comfortable with and like all of your vendors

Bridezilla ahoy!

38. Select and book your DJ 6-12 months in advance

39. Do not go over 5 minutes when making a toast

I hate the concept of a toast, but you already knew that.

“The first time I met Steph, she was wearing a dress.  It doesn’t happen that often.  Preserve this moment.”

40. Start working on your tan early, you don’t want to be red or peeling on your big day

Or tanning causes skin cancer….  I mean, what?

41. Store your mementos carefully

42. Have all of your travel documents 6 months in advance

Does this mean like a passport?  I highly recommend this if for nothing but the cost.

43. Assign someone to retrieve your guest book, toasting glasses, pictures and cameras from the tables, you don’t want to come back to find these things lost

44. Offer sparkling cider as well as champagne for the toast, some guests may not drink alcohol 

45. Store your wedding photos carefully 

46. Make important decisions well ahead of time regarding finances, housing, chores, etc…

I’m confused on what this has to do with the wedding…  Housing/chores for the wedding party and guests?

47. Attend bridal shows for ideas for your wedding

Or, you know, books, magazines, websites, and common sense.

Because attending bridal shows is a hobby of mine!  It’s like Wedding Crashers, only I crash shows for my own sick amusement.

48. Don’t skimp on the honeymoon, you will be sorry if you do 

49. Order a small bouquet for the bouquet toss, keep your bouquet as a momento

I really don’t want dead flowers sitting around my house.

For like a week maybe…  Until they die die it might not be bad.

50. Have a tasting for your reception food and your wedding cake

See, this is something I can see the groom and groom’s men actually caring about, but you already knew that.

Commentary by Deidree and Steph (part one)

Steph sent me an email a little while ago, and I thought you all might enjoy it.  Steph is in red and I am in blue.

A List of Wedding Day Dos and Don’ts (discovered by Steph and relevant because of the number of our friends getting married)

1. Plan your day for yourself, not for others

I think you have to take both into consideration.

I think you should consider dates/times/food allergies/travel, but like the flowers are all my choice, damnit, haha.

2. Take advantage of the Internet (sites, search engines etc.) 

3. Get the groom to be involved, it’s his wedding too

Only if he wants to be.  If he really doesn’t care, don’t make him be involved.

Food, liquor, guests, date, location, attire….  I’m pretty sure he doesn’t care about those flowers.

4. Seat older guests away from loud music 

5. Pamper yourself! Treat your mom and girls to a spa day before the wedding

I guess if you want.  I don’t think this is really necessary at all.

My momma would hate a spa day.  Let’s just all eat brunch.

6. Be realistic about weight loss goals when selecting your gown

You should just buy for your body shape.  I mean, he proposed to you when you looked like that, didn’t he?

Unless you’re not losing weight because he knocked you up…

7. Remember to involve step parents in some way 

8. Think about your attendants likes and dislikes before purchasing the attendant gifts

Dear lord.  Attendants don’t need gifts.  Just buy part or all of their dress or shoes or something.  I’m sure they’d appreciate that more.

I agree, donate to the attire fund.  A nice card and maybe a touristy trinket ($10 or less) from the honeymoon is good.

9. Consider some of your photos in black and white, they are timeless 

10. Remember to allow time for table visits during your reception 

11. Pick a song for your first dance that has meaning or a good memory for the two of you 

12. Remember evening receptions are assumed to be more formal than day time
receptions

Yeah, but you can specify anything you want on the invitation.

It’s a general rule of thumb, though.  The later in the day something is, the more formal the attire is.  But I feel like people generally go to the reception straight from the wedding ceremony anyway…

13. Have someone else do your makeup, you will be too nervous and critical

Yeah, but make sure you give it a few test runs before your wedding day.

Or you just won’t feel like doing it yourself, nerves and criticism aside.

14. Consider having wedding and reception at one location, it is much easier for timing 

15. Don’t overbook your limo, they will usually seat 10

Who says you have to use a limo?

How about don’t overbook your horse drawn carriage?  They seat maybe six (if you’re lucky).

16. Send your invitations out 6-8 weeks before the wedding

Or as soon as you have venues and times booked/figured out, if you have lots of people traveling.

I think eight weeks is a good time frame.  The people traveling are likely close friends and family, so if they’re tight on money, it might be nice to give them an extra head’s up before the invitation.  I don’t think it would be a surprise…  But apparently I need to invite this that and the other family member I don’t talk to for my mother, so there’s that….

17. Send your thank you notes out no later than 3 months after the wedding

Preferably within the month!

18. Look for your ceremony and reception sites first-one year out is average

19. Don’t invite guests you really don’t want to see at your wedding 

20. Try to stay within your allocated budget

Start by making a reasonable budget.

21. See several of each vendor before making these important decisions

22. Go over the kinds of pictures you will want with your photographer well ahead of time 

23. Take time to select the music you will enjoy during your reception 

24. Take dance lessons for your first dance

Only if you want too.  I feel like it’s not necessary.

My first dance is going to be a bump/grind.  No dance lessons necessary.  And I think anyone I married would know the waltz anyway…  That sounded a bit elitist though, oops…

 

25. Don’t forget to invite your officiant to your reception 

Some Thoughts About Weddings

So I said that today I would talk about weddings.  I think weddings are always a popular topic among women because, somewhere in her heart, every woman wants to get married.  Or, at the very least, she wants to wear that really pretty dress.  I am no stranger to wanting to get married.  It’s part of the life plan.  And, admittedly, whenever I get into a rainbows and sunshine type relationship, I like to make a mock-up of our future wedding.  Here’s the one that sticks in my head:

A few years ago I was dating a recent alumnus of my university and the Pi Kappa Phi fraternity.  Our wedding was going to be an amazing day with me in a pretty white dress and him in a striking black tux.  My bouquet would feature the flowers of our houses, though I think they are actually differing wedding seasons and quite contradictory color-wise.  The tuxes of the groomsmen and the dresses of the bridesmaids would be in the respective blues of our Greek organizations with the other colors acting as accents.  The colors would be around the seats in ribbons and flowers would be everywhere and tied with the ribbons.  The location wasn’t important.  Neither was the location of the reception.  The only important thing about the reception was that the cake would be tasty (so definitely not chocolate), there would be delicious champagne, and there would be an open bar.  In my esteemed opinion, every wedding needs an open bar.  No, really, at a wedding open bars are awesome.

Or, at least, I imagine they would be awesome.

I’ve only ever been to two weddings in my life, as far as my memory serves me.  The first was when I was about five and was a flower girl for my favorite Aunt’s wedding.  The second was when I attended the ceremony for my second grade teacher’s wedding.  I was supposed to attend a younger friend’s military wedding in July, but I was off at my summer job by then.  That’s my history with weddings.

Well, at this moment.

Last I heard, my GBF is engaged.  I found out through FB.  It’s a sad realization to hear these things through FB, but what can you do?  I won’t be attending his wedding due to legalities, but he’s already taken to calling the man his husband.  So there’s that.

I’m also in this group called the Fab Five.  At one point, there were six members, but it’s been so long that I’m not quite sure why there’s only five.  I think it’s because the sixth member was in a different fifth grade class.  Anyway, in this group of friends, I am the one who has dated around the most and has taking the role of perpetual bridesmaid.  Two of the girls are currently engaged, and one has only been dating the guy for three months.  Unfortunately for me, I am not going to be a bridesmaid for either one.  So there goes my consolation prize for being a perpetual bridesmaid.  How are the groomsmen supposed to know who the brides’ eligible single friends are?  I think I may need to wear a name tag…  Or a huge neon sign…

One of my dearest sorority sisters told me today that she got engaged on Saturday.  I am so happy for her!  I’m not quite sure what my chances are of being a bridesmaid for her, but they don’t really matter to me much.  I don’t feel a twinge of jealousy for her at all.  I think this might be because she’s a year older than me.  I know, that seems petty, but a year can make such a difference and I really just need to find my footing.  In any case, I’m saving now to make the flight out to California in the next couple of years for her wedding.  It will have been my fifth wedding by that time.  Well, fifth or so…  I’m really excited for the chance to see her and hopefully I’ll be able to make it out there before the wedding, that way I don’t only get to see her when she’s a stressed out wedding obsessed Allie.  It’s also going to be a marine wedding, so clearly it will be awesome!

One other friend is already married and has been for about a year now.  Her pictures are gorgeous!

I know that Post-Grad isn’t really the time to worry about weddings, so I wish my friends would halt their marriages a bit.  But I know that if it weren’t my friends my age (or younger) getting married, I wouldn’t be worrying as much.  So, I just have to take it in stride and know that eventually I will be marrying my fraternity man also.  I just hope that’s sooner rather than later because I want a Big Fat Greek (Letter Organization) family.

Also, neither of the Fab Five members are having open bars…  If this has taught me nothing, it’s that an open bar is a nice thing to have at a wedding.  Yes, I definitely plan on having an open bar at my future wedding.