Up in Montreal now. Let’s continue this story, shall we?
Friday, May Seventh, 2010 (continued): My Big, Hannah, wrote me this letter and gave it to me on the day I was initiated as a freshman in college. I think it speaks volumes about how my collegiate experience turned out for me, with all of my Big’s best wishes: Dear Lauren This is an important time in your life. You’re growing and changing into a new woman. With the sorority’s help this will happen smoothly and in the best possible way. I’m so happy that I am your big sis and that I will get to be here to watch and guide you through this great time. I knew from the first moment I met you that you belonged here. This is the place for you, the home and support you’re looking for. You’re a great person and I know that you will do great things in this house. I can’t wait to watch you experience all the things that this house has to offer. I know that you and I will become strong friends. I know that the sisterhood here will make your adjustment to college easy and I love that I get to be here for you. Love your big sis, Hannah I’m really glad she’s back in town for today. I think that, in a way, it means that I’ve been able to come full circle and that she is still here to guide and support me through all my years. I really love that. Love, Lauren
I was finishing up pulling my photos down from the walls. I had collected all my push pins in their box and was putting it back in my desk when I heard a knock on my door.
“Why are you putting something away in your desk when you’re supposed to be packing everything?” She laughed.
As I turned toward the open door, I realized just how ridiculous what I was doing looked. I closed my desk drawer and shrugged it off. “I’m not packing up the stuff in my desk yet.”
“You’re packing up your photos and cards?” Leigh had arrived pretty much right on time after I got her text message, which is more than I can say for my usual timely habits. Leigh was a pretty girl who stood at about 5’10”. She brushed her brown hair back from her face as she slid her black tote further up her shoulder; the fabric of her black university sweatshirt bunched with the motion. She checked her black boots for dirt as she leaned against the door. Her jeans were tucked into the tops of her boots.
I looked down. “Yeah…” Short words were best. Now that Leigh was standing here with me, I realized just how empty this big house seemed. I was one of the only people left in it. Our house man was letting the seniors stay an extra day to finish up our packing because we had graduation and finals keeping us busy. I turned away from her slightly as my bottom lip shook a little.
Leigh strode past me and sat down on the window seat. “It might be easier to just pack up your desk stuff now. You don’t have a million memories about a bunch of pencils, do you?” She crossed her legs as she leaned back against the window pane. “I miss your window cushion…”
My window cushion was already gone because Melanie took it home for the summer. She never left anything packed up in the basement. So, she didn’t want me to leave any of her stuff in the basement either. That was the other hard thing about leaving. You decide to will out some of your stuff, some of the things you only acquired by accident (the window cushion) or things you wouldn’t need anymore when you left ($10 bathmats from walmart) and suddenly you didn’t get to determine how long you kept them anymore. Once their new owners were ready to claim them, that was the last you would see of your former things.
Just like Leigh was sitting in the window now, that had been one of my favorite pastimes when I had had my window cushion to sit on. I would read a book by the sunlight or just lean against the pillows in the window. That window saved me a lot during afternoon power outages too. I let out a small sigh.
“It’s hard, Leigh…”
“I don’t want to leave either…” She considered it for a moment, “Well, I don’t want to move back home before I go to Texas.” She shrugged, “But where else can I go? We really can’t stay here forever. In a couple years, you probably won’t be able to relate to someone who’s still in college anyway. At least, not if you didn’t know them already. And the number of people you know decreases every year.” She crossed her arms as she settled into the window some more. “Right?”
Hannah had said something like that when she arrived yesterday. ‘Everything is so different here. Like, it looks different, but the people too. It’s really so much more sorority…’ She had laughed at that moment. ‘We all thought you guys were too sorority when you joined. And it’s more sorority than that? Nothing ever really stays the way you remember it, does it?’ I had disagreed that my pledge class was still the same way we were, but we were graduates now. It wasn’t really my place to claim ownership of the chapter here anymore. So Hannah was probably right. Nothing ever really stays the way you remember it.
I looked up at Leigh. “I think my not wanting to leave really just shows how much I loved it here. Like, I can look back on my time here and know I spent it well… No matter how hard it was sometimes. But, I’m just a big baby like always, right Leigh?” I sniffled a bit again.
Leigh laughed it off; “It wouldn’t be you if you didn’t get overly emotional, Lauren. I’ve come to expect it by now.”
I rested my hand on my desk. “What do you mean?”
Leigh continued to smile, “Well, if you weren’t crying about leaving, clearly something would be wrong. But you are crying. Really, everything is pretty par for the course.”
I smiled a little, “So you do think I’m a big baby?”
Leigh laughed again, “I knew I could make you smile.”
I stuck my tongue out at her as I grabbed a manila envelope for my Bid Day pictures.
Leigh shook her head as she continued to laugh quietly. “What’s that thing people always say after a break up? Don’t cry because it’s over… Smile because it happened?”
I nodded my head, “Yeah, that’s it.” I grabbed the pictures off of my dresser and carefully put them in the envelope. “It’s kind of like saying, even if it’s bad now, you had a lot of good times.”
“Well, then it’s better that you’re smiling.”
“Yeah.” I smiled again. “Oh, hey, how’s your apartment search going in Texas?”
“Well, I’ve been looking at a few places online, but we’re going down later in the month to check out our top choices. There’s this one that…”
I looked at my senior Bid Day photo one more time. Leigh was right. You should always smile because it happened.
Help! I'm Post-Grad... 