Welcome back, Deidree!

Yup, I’m back!  Centennial was amazing!!!  But I don’t think I’m going to talk about that today.  I start work really early, so I think I’m going to tell you a story about something that happened this weekend.  But in order for you to really understand that story, I need to tell you two others.  So, here goes.

Junior year, it rained all the time.  That was the year I learned to hate rain, a lot…

Earlier in the summer, while Evan was visiting his family in California, he called me to check up on me.  He had been texting me every day, but it was nice to hear his voice.  After updating him on some funny things that had happened and people I had seen, I ended up telling him that I had been kind of gloomy lately because it had been raining non-stop.

Rather than sympathizing with me, Evan had let out a groan, “Why does it only rain when I’m not there?  I like the rain enough, but when I’m there, it’s either blizzarding or hot as hell…”

“Well…  Maybe it’s because you bring the sun back from California with you…”  In my sophomore wisdom, this made perfect sense.

Evan had laughed.  “I doubt that’s it.  Anyway, sorry you’ve been gloomy.  I get back in a couple of days, so hopefully it’ll be sunny again then.”

“Sure, since it’s sunny in California, isn’t it?”

“It’s not sunny because I’m here!”

We both laughed.

And sure enough, when Evan returned from California, the sun was shining again.

The day he moved away and back to California, it was dreary at best.

But the day I moved back for the start of Junior year, it poured rain all day.

So my heart started pulling a Pavlov’s dog response to rain right on cue like a word association game…  It rained and I thought of Evan being in California.

There have been very few times I heard from Evan after he left for California.  I can count them on just over one hand.  One of the last times I heard from him was when we broke up.  Back then I wanted to see him.  More than anything, I wanted to see him right then.  But I couldn’t because he couldn’t.

“I can’t see you in person.  If I do, I can’t do this.”  His voice sounded so sad.  It really just broke my heart.

“But then…”

“But I can’t do this…  I don’t like long distance relationships…”

“But I would never…”

“I know.  Not you.  Not me.  And not this relationship.  But I can’t…  after Katie…”

“Evan…”

“If I’m going to be with you, I want to be with you.  And this way…  I can’t be with you.  I wish we could do that….”

I wish we could afford plane trips too, but that wouldn’t happen either.  “Evan…”

“If I could stay in Colorado, I could love you.”

What?  I was taken aback.  Words refused to escape my mouth.

“I know.  It’s a shitty way to tell you that I love you.”

Yes, yes it is.  “I, um…  I have work now, so…”

“Deidree…”

“I’ll stop by afterward…  Maybe…”

“Yeah, okay, maybe…  I have to get my dad from the airport, so…”

“Yeah…  Okay…  Bye…”

“Bye…  I really do care about you…”

Hearing that from Evan was really very hard and I was an emotional wreck for a while…  Hearing from Evan is hard.  Hearing about Evan is hard.  Rain is hard.  But all of this is only sometimes now.  I’ve gotten to the point where I can handle pretty much everything with stride and grace.  But Evan was an important part of my life and is a part of some of my best stories.

So on that note, I was at Centennial this weekend.  We were talking about some stories from our time in the house and after I mentioned something in passing, one of the older girls asked if I talked to Evan anymore.

“No, Evan and I haven’t really talked much since we broke up.”

“Becky said she was talking to him earlier.  They haven’t talked in a while either.  She said he asked how you were doing.”

I brushed it off as calmly as possible.  What else was I supposed to say?  But I guess I’m a bit curious about it all…  Anyway, I shouldn’t really be worrying about Evan, so it’s no big thing.

The worst part about all this, though, is that it decided to rain all day when I finally left the Centennial celebration.